You see I feel a huge connection to my children and that I knew them and their first mama's well before we came to this earth. With Mr. J, shortly before I met him the first time, I had a dream of a little boy with a cute nose looking up at me and I knew this boy was my son. His face was very distinctive. So, when I was with a friend and going to meet him for the first time, I was nervous, because what if it was the same baby and what if it wasn't. But sure enough, I looked at that little bundle, and even though the baby in my dream was older, I saw that nose and I knew it was him. The time span from the dream to meeting him was only a couple of weeks. 
However, a couple of years ago, I had a dream of a little girl walking around in a diaper with pigtails in her hair. She had brown hair and brown eyes. Again, I knew in my heart that it was my daughter. I also knew that she was not coming from my body considering I have hazel eyes and Gabe has blue ones. And at one point in the wee hours in our hospital room, holding and staring at Queen L in my arms, I remembered that dream and I knew.
I also have had a strong connection with both kids birth mothers. I remember meeting S and thinking "I know you" and knew her spirit long before that day at CPK. With E, we quickly fell into a very easy connection like sister/long time friends. As someone who is in the business, I have watched time and time again as what would be strangers feel like they have reunited with long lost family members.
As I have reflected on my experiences and feelings for my children and their birth families I have come to feel that in fact it was meant to be. All of it. That these children were meant to be theirs, mine, and ours. I kind of visualize that there was this big meeting before we all came to earth. It would consist of primarily of three groups of people....those that were told they would want for children that they cannot physically have, others that will bear children while they found themselves in difficult circumstances and be given the choice to place for adoption, and the children. I picture myself in that meeting and finding men and women that I have known. I see myself talking with S and E and who knows...maybe some more and hugging each other and encouraging each other that these will be difficult trials. I feel that I promised S, E and our children that I would choose to share motherhood and raise their children if they chose to share their motherhood with me. I feel that we told each other that we would be willing to come together to bear each others burdens knowing that perhaps we may not choose to ultimately place or accept a placement due to our agency. I believe Elizabeth and Johnathan were most definitely intended to be born to their birth families to inherent certain physical traits and characteristics from them, to be connected to them forever through their blood ties. I wish that we had a life where we did not have to have trials and struggle. But the reality is that we would not learn in such an environment. So just as children are allowed to grow through their experiences in poverty, so too our Heavenly Father allows his children to experience unplanned pregnancies, children to be born to them, and couples not able to conceive or no longer able to conceive.
So, in the end, I believe my children are connected to all of the people that have long before we came to this earth, loved and promised to love, no matter what agency dictated. I again cannot express the depth of gratitude I feel for S and E. I am humbled to share motherhood with them and grateful to be apart of this miracle. I cannot imagine my life without my husband nor my children. Each morning as I wake up with all of us in the same room...yep...can't seem to get JJ to think that he should stay in his bed the entire night...I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for each of them and their roles in my life.
As I have reflected on my experiences and feelings for my children and their birth families I have come to feel that in fact it was meant to be. All of it. That these children were meant to be theirs, mine, and ours. I kind of visualize that there was this big meeting before we all came to earth. It would consist of primarily of three groups of people....those that were told they would want for children that they cannot physically have, others that will bear children while they found themselves in difficult circumstances and be given the choice to place for adoption, and the children. I picture myself in that meeting and finding men and women that I have known. I see myself talking with S and E and who knows...maybe some more and hugging each other and encouraging each other that these will be difficult trials. I feel that I promised S, E and our children that I would choose to share motherhood and raise their children if they chose to share their motherhood with me. I feel that we told each other that we would be willing to come together to bear each others burdens knowing that perhaps we may not choose to ultimately place or accept a placement due to our agency. I believe Elizabeth and Johnathan were most definitely intended to be born to their birth families to inherent certain physical traits and characteristics from them, to be connected to them forever through their blood ties. I wish that we had a life where we did not have to have trials and struggle. But the reality is that we would not learn in such an environment. So just as children are allowed to grow through their experiences in poverty, so too our Heavenly Father allows his children to experience unplanned pregnancies, children to be born to them, and couples not able to conceive or no longer able to conceive.
So, in the end, I believe my children are connected to all of the people that have long before we came to this earth, loved and promised to love, no matter what agency dictated. I again cannot express the depth of gratitude I feel for S and E. I am humbled to share motherhood with them and grateful to be apart of this miracle. I cannot imagine my life without my husband nor my children. Each morning as I wake up with all of us in the same room...yep...can't seem to get JJ to think that he should stay in his bed the entire night...I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for each of them and their roles in my life. 
No comments:
Post a Comment